BUILDING YOUR HOME FOR POSTERITY - Onyeji Nnaji

“Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies

She considereth a field and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hand to the spindle and her hand hold the distaff. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reached forth her hand to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry;---Her husband is known in the gate when he sits with the elders of the land”. Prov. 31:10, 16-23.

What makes a woman different from other women is the extra-ordinary quality found in her. Colour in most cases does not distinguish a woman from many others since among the many, another woman may lie who would be of the same colour.  Height also does not mark extra-ordinary quality in a woman. Think of the possible thing that makes difference in a woman among his group, and you will observe that it is the nature of the vision in her. Every woman of substance is always a visionier.  She foresees and pursues it earnestly to achieve it.  She does not woo her husband unreasonably, rather she purposefully woo him to achieve the aspiration she has in mind.  Look carefully at the way she does things, you will observe that she is diligently pursuing a goal.  She seeks for the heritage which experience would stand the test of time. Not every woman knew this, some woo their husbands just to gratify aesthetic purposes, not eternalizing their purpose for wooing their husbands as affecting (influencing) the realm of creation to breed a character with outstanding quality.

The luck of any man is affirmed in his ability to find “a” woman.  Many you see are women, it takes one time discovering a woman. Although you may search, yea I advise you to search virtually you may find one.  Virtually I said because, among many women, one may always find a woman.  Search for her, she is always single among the group of the “-en” form you see around. Her singleness might be in character differences, colour, academic stand, manner of speech or even the way she reasons.  For sure, you are bound to rejoice if virtually you find her, for the joy she brings relieves one from much burden and stressing around.  A virtuous woman the scripture says, who can find. She is always hidden. Very much hidden that even if peradventures you happen to see her, eventually, you will doubt her being the real one. The issue lies that the drudgery she receives in her struggle to land at the vision she had been targeting had caused her to be hidden and taken very far from an apt recognition, save for discerning ability. 

A virtuous woman is a woman of substance. She knows herself and doesn’t play with her future. She knows her integrity and seeks always to maintain it, she knew her job and no one reminds her of it. She equally knew her roles in her matrimonial home and knows when her role is needed best. No one, not even her husband, reminds her of her obligation, she knew it and does it at the right time. Her vision is to make way for her posterity, and since she would want her future to be brighter than her today, she does not count what it takes her to play her role.  She has an outstanding feature that distinguishes her from other women. She does her own things in a different way. In the market she stands out different in character.  At home, observe the way she respects her husband and bondles his kinsmen, you will bow for her. Her scarcity has rendered many dumbfounded, anxiously stranded because of the mistake they have made at the table of ice-cream and bridal selection. Such is the woman that is capable of commanding inheritance. She transverses the limit people imagine her. Then, envisage her children and divine how they would look like.

Now, a virtuous woman as a visionier has a dream she strives earnestly to achieve. Her mind is on preparing a lasting ground for her children to inherit. And for this purpose she exhausts strength exerting talents to see that she achieves it. It is not a matter of claiming to have vision even when you have none, but achieving it. Everyone claims to have vision, truly they may, for I too believe that everybody is potentially equipped.  But the earnest turmoil is on how these visions can come to reality so that others may see them and believe that, that is what one has been working seriously for. The scripture calls one a virtuous woman when it discovers the earnestness in one’s strives to actualize her dream, envisaging the possibilities of achieving it one is declared a virtuous one.  So, to become a virtuous woman a lot of things are required, which things include:

“She is clothed with strength and dignity”

The first thing a visionier does is to assess his/herself to see what he can afford, and then map out plans on what to do in order to achieve his objective.  After this he/she will breathe strength into himself.  All these come under one strengthening oneself, invariably meaning that one has to be prepared. No vision is achieved in life without one making himself available.  The availability of oneself to the achievement of the vision in him therefore might be physical, psychological or spiritual.  Without one making himself available the vision is bound to die.  Even in Christendom, availability of oneself Is quite inevitable, for even the prophets of old whom the LORD used mightily, I don’t think there is any among them that GOD superimposed His power on without first causing the person to make himself available.  Although more often they would say thus: “---and the spirit of God came into me and ---“, the spirit does not go into them and had never gone into them when they were not in the availability folk.

All things being equal, any woman that aspires to have a better home and a better inheritance passed to her kids must be prepared. She must make herself available for the vision to be realized, and then fit herself mightily to battle obstructions over. Before any vision is achieved some obstructions must be met which must be overcome. So, wield yourself with strength, it is required of a vision endow mother.  In the time of old, the requirement our people had in choosing any girl for marriage was that they considered the shape of her hip and the position of her calf.  They consider mainly calf because then were the era of farm work dominion.  So, it is widely believed that any girl without a well-positioned calf would hardly make success in the skillful activities required.  The dominant vision that period was to produce a healthy and strong fellow who would represent them in skillful activities.  But now, no woman would want her children to suffer, therefore, to make provisions for them, you must cloth yourself in strength to do anything legally possible to leave a heritage for your posterity.

Many women today want to be just a house wife, doing nothing only to cook and give birth to children. They are only ready to live by the resource of the husband alone.  They want to become a home dog that does nothing than to eat and bark around. That is not the way. You cannot advance in heritage that way.  When you solely depend on the resources of your husband alone without contributing an inch to the family upkeep, it does not prove you a vision endow fellow.  It might be true that you have vision and aspiration for your family, but when the vision is not worked toward so as to achieve it, there is nothing to prove its existence.  So, for this purpose you must equip yourself and be fully clothed in strength and rigor. You must not be an idle woman having no contribution to offer to the family building.  A lot of things you need to work out in order to create room for your kids’ better life, and this cannot be achieved by idleness.  You are not married to be less active, no.  Even if your husband, due to his love for you, should instruct you to stay at home without getting you put into something resourceful, don’t be satisfied in it.  Strive hard that he gets you fixed into something that will make you less stagnant in all ramification, so that perhaps he may one day be found and not seen, or other things which would render him unfit to respond to immediate need may occur, at this you can still hold the family.

To cloth oneself with strength is to be hard working.  Any mother who would want to extend the heritage of her kids must properly energize herself. She should get herself properly fitted to stand situations and hard time and be able to work hard in order to leave something behind for her kids to inherit.  She has to work hard to affect a better representative among her kids. Then, her ability to laugh at her tomorrow lies on how far she is prepared, followed by the achievement she is able to make for a better upkeep of her kids.  The strength she wields on herself with the readiness to work hard now prepares her for the mission ahead which we shall get to as we progress in this phase.  A lot of things she needs to know and do as well for the sake of the things she is aspiring to do for the better establishment of kids’ inheritance.  She must strengthen her elbow and gird her loins with strength, this she must know and do before other things.

When you see any mother that when others are crying over the hardship in the country you see her laughing, she had taken time to work for her base days during her past days. She keeps herself bush when others were relaxing. Her house never goes dry anytime any day because she works diligently for it. Others had in mind making their daily breads but she asserts strength working tirelessly for her tomorrow. She is a lender of the last resort, and people admire her ways.  That is a woman of substance.

“She considereth a field and buyeth it”

When in the second chapter of my first book I was explaining the strength in women, I seemed to attribute much strength to women.  Looking at the nature of the explanation one would flippantly conclude that it is rather men who should depend on women than women depending on men. Well, it is not really so, but just like the traditional saying that the life of a man is in the hand of his wife. It does not really mean that the wife holds the husband’s breathe of life, but when deeper understanding is applied to its connotative meanings one would assert that it is not devoid of the meaning the adage was traditionally put up for. This is the second requirement into extending one’s heritage. It entails that the success of any home lies on the bright face of the mother of the home (the strength she wielded to strive for the good of the family and to ensure proper assistance given to the husband). This requirement and of course, their strength somehow place them in a position so high trying to equal-rate them with men. It deals with the managerial function that is shared within the both parties. That is the ability to acquire and manage resources meticulously.

For a woman to be a virtuous one proving her foresightedness, the strength she had equipped herself in has to be directed towards material things to ensure a better heritage extended.  The nondomestic duties are not restricted to the husbands alone; it is not the duty of the husband alone to invest.  Wife also can invest. The vision in you, woman, that makes you visionary which you earnestly work to achieve is to better the future of your kids.  This you can achieve by investing your resources into businesses that will yield a better income. The scripture says “she considereth a field and buyeth it---” you can buy shares from companies.

Investments are made for two consecutive reasons outside the reason of securing money to avoid wasteful expenditure. It could be for future business or to acquire inheritance for one’s offspring. Each of these reasons is very important for child right acquisition. These are the purposes the scripture is trying to stress out when it says “she considereth a field---” yes; the field you want to buy must be considered before purchase, it must not be immediately dabbled in because you have the money. You need not be very much in haste otherwise you hasten yourself into blame and trouble.  In considering the field, first you consider the amount whether it is affordable, then, make enquires to know the condition of the field to know if it is under dispute so that you don’t throw yourself into trouble and by it lost your money. The position of the field also should be considered, is it in a position where it could be claimed by the government or other sector for future use, or will it remain your permanent cite until when you would want to will it out. All these have to be considered, it proves your foresightedness.

The decision as you consider it must not be kept from your husband’s knowledge. Unless if your husband is a thought and so lazy that he cannot do anything good and would not allow you do too. Because some husbands are not good for anything than bedding a woman or drinking about; such knew that it is his responsibility to make for those provisions but his foolishness will not allow him do it.  So, instead of allowing you to do it, he would rather prevent you simply because he knew that it is his supposed role that you are playing. If such is the type of your husband, remember it is not everything you want to do that you must make known to him. Don’t even let him know that you have such amount in your account; otherwise your vision will be extinguished as you try to obey him in all things, even your capital, no. Give him the right due to him and make sure you don’t use that opportunity to rob him of his respect as your head.  Still pray for him that God should change him and cause him to be responsible. But, don’t let his obnoxious behaviour kill the vision in you. Provided you don’t rob him of his right and possession in you, God will not count you disobedient that way.

A wise mother considers the both side of the things she does, the good effect of it and the implication warrants.  She does not rush things simple because she has the means.  Try and buy securities for your kids, and will things to them to continue life with, it is not a crime if a woman does that; it is the duty of a virtuous woman. Your heritage could be stretched towards this direction; it should not be on character transfer only.  Still, if your husband is such a lousy type who doesn’t care to mind anything about investment simple because he did not know or count importance to it, use your strength as a woman to woo out money from him for investment.  Don’t mind the pain it will take you to do this, God knows what you are doing and will one day cause him to understand. It might not sound very pleasant at the beginning but keep it up, one day he will understand and will praise you. He will call you a wise one. It is this sort of woman that the scripture says “who can find?”

“With the fruits of her hand she plants a vineyard”

It proves a wise mother considering a field and buying it for the good of her kids, even those who would come after her. That is the monumental success, highest indeed, expected of a wise mother.  It does not end at buying a field after much consideration, although it is a great achievement, but not all.  When a field is bought, it should be worked on, it should be farmed upon.

Now, it is unto the decision of the owner of the field that crop is planted, but unto the will of the farmer to decide on which plant is best fitting and should be planted on the piece of land. The mother as the owner could also play the role of a farmer by planting crops on the land. (using a farmer for example is more suiting because a farmer has no other objective than what a wise mother has in mind in planning for her posterity). The vision in her is on how to create a legacy, leaving tangible things behind for the kids coming after her.  Those things she will leave behind must be either transactional or consumable. That marks the intelligence of such mother which completely proves her a visionary mother. Apart from this two broad reasons I don’t know if there is any other purpose for which a farmer farms.  It must either be to produce the goods that he would sell out for money, or to produce goods to sustain his family. Then, one can consider the aspiration in a farmer on his planted crops that he toils, lingering in his service trying to bring out of his farm the best of the crops he had imputed, tarrying all through the dying of the planting season in expectation of a yield until the harvest is up. “Remember, the fruit of what you are labouring for may not manifest unless the planting season dies, to give way for the harvest period”. Yet, faint not for in a due time it will show up and your labour will not be in vein.

Then, for the fruit to plant on the field, the scripture points out “a vine yard” for reasons.  It does not mean you have to plant vine-trees on the field, but vineyard is used as an example because of the prevalent activities in Israel then.  The inhabitants were predominantly farmers.  So, to bring to mind the main picture that would attract attention and possibly create room for understanding, vineyard was sampled. More so, a vineyard as sampled is an area of a concentrated tree plants, which may last for years and serve many purposes. Any treasure left behind for the oncoming kids to inherit must be a lasting asset, it mustn’t be fragile. The treasure you keep should be a lasting one.  In this, it might not be courageous to set up immediate transactional business as an asset purposefully for your offspring, because a set up business could be considered fragile since liquidation could occur at any time and it will crumble.

“Vine yard” again as is being sampled is a fruitful plant and also a voracious plant.  Voracious in the sense that it serves many purposes. Vineyard is such a variable asset that it is used for more than one reason.  For instance, it is a raw material for wine and sugar.  It is used in baking raisin cakes.  Its fruit (grapes) is also a very nice food.  You may not mind planting vine trees since it is not within our reach, but you can still plant some other economic trees (plants) such as palms trees.  Making the field a palm plantation will help a lot because palm tree is a variable asset since it serves many purposes.  Although fixed, but varies in its economic values.  Think wisely for something good to position the field in, it must not be left to fallow itself.

Considering this issue of planting a vineyard in the field bought by a virtuous woman and the present/modern society in which we are today, this requirement of planting a vineyard can be taken (replace) for putting up a structure.  Setting up a building is the best of all the assets one would wish to leave for her kids.  This building might be for renting purpose to incur money or for shelter to the generation to come.                    

Then for the money with which the structure is put in place you need not ask, because, the scripture makes it very clear when it says that due to the virtuousness of the woman, she does it with the fruit of her hand.  Thus: “by the fruit of her hand she planted a vine yard”.  The husband was there, even with his own resources, yet she wished to validate the fruit of her hand by diverting it towards making a provision for proper inheritance among her kids.  Just the fruit of her own hand she was able to carry out a monumental project and fully executed it without a principle help from the husband.  I see why the scripture says that a virtuous woman is hardly found, and the teacher went further to say that many daughters have done virtuously but she “excellest” them all.  Prov. 31:29.

What God is looking for in us family keepers is the condition that will bring us to the very position where we can understand His demand from us on where it concerns our family and kids, particularly directing the whole responsibility to us parents, especially mothers. The virtuousness of the woman explained in proverbs chapter thirty-one is a view used by the teacher (Solomon) as he tries to roll off the vandals often committed by many mothers.  This mistake is that, since the scripture had declared them helpers, they now see it a guarantee and a defense to their idleness.  Forgetting that helper also connotes playing the role of the helped when “the helped” is not fit or is not available.  So, he now by the help of God is moved to announce it openly that it is not fitting for a virtuous woman to absolutely depend on the resources of the husband alone, contributing nothing. It is even plain by his expressions that mothers among parents are more influential to affect inheritance of all sort, than the fathers.  In all, hoping to arrive at a possible atmosphere where mothers as helpers, would refrain from their assumed absolute dependence on their husband and wield enough strength to stand in the position of their man, playing his role respectfully, when he is not fit or is absent.  Respectfully italicized because a possible proud exhibition of the function is capable of denying you your virtuous right, and as well could lead to abuse of right and power due to power arrogate.  Therefore, in all you do remember that the scripture demands that you be submissive to your own head IN ALL THIGNS. Be a reservoir, not a safety thank, for a safety thank retains only for itself.  But as a reservoir, devote yourself to helping your man with what you have, so that when he seems somehow unbalanced he would by the strength in you re-erect his stand.  As a body, the husband should also depend on the wife for his success.

With the fruit her hand the scripture says, does not mean that when darling is not around as the “head”, you cannot carry out any plan financially, no.  Darling is there to approve and assent your “bill”, not compulsorily to execute them.  Those plans in you which seem so helpful to the family and the kids to come and you have the means to carry them out, do well and executive it, there will be no trouble provided you are working in the same mind with your husband.  He too is an agent of progress, he will be glad at it rather. Your own resource, “the fruit of your hand” is not meant to remain in your private account only, it is given you for the day-to-day running of the family. Invest it for the good of your kids to ensure a better inheritance transferred.  The kids cannot eat calling you “mummy” and be satisfied.  They need something resourceful from you to continue their living, if you deny them this as a mother you make yourself unworthy to be called a mother.  “Remember, a child is better unborn than being born and left to suffer, having nothing left with”.

Having achieved this requirement, the function you have played now will be seen on your children and husband, its effect. This achievement, notably, is remarked with the way your husband and kids will praise you.  Mark this; the praise you receive outside your household is never complete unless it had begun with your households. Your husband must declare you virtuous, then followed by your kids. Consider this: verses 23,28-29.

“Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her; many women do noble things, but you surpass them all”.

A good wife is always as a crown on the husband.  Everywhere he goes he puts it on.  He bears her in mind at his working place, in his communication with others he could easily discover those whose wives are not better ones.  As he discusses issues relating to family matters he never ceases to use his wife for a reference. Very often you would hear him saying “--- my wife did this or she does that”. To him, no other woman is beautiful enough to compare to his wife.  Possibly, he may agree with you that someone is beautiful, but in nobility of character, nobody he had ever seen is like her.  Such a woman, everybody around her home knows her, even in the market she stands out different in character among other women.  The glory in her ravishes on the husband that for the reason of her virtuousness the husband is respected in the midst of his fellow elders.

Dear, those names you answer among men, who gave you that name? Is it given you, known and approved by your husband? Many answer several names which the husband does not know anything about.  Mark you this, any name given you as a wife, apart from your maiden name, must be known and approved by your husband.  Even, it is his duty branding you the name men outside should know you for.  Remember, the woman we are discussing had her attribute (virtuous) approved by her husband.  The ever praise you would receive as a good wife must be given you first by your husband.  You must not be queen outside and be Jezebel inside your house.

The amount of respect any husband receives from the people around him depends on how far you respect him as his wife. If you, the wife, respects him both inside your home and outside, and also respects yourself before people, then in counterbalance, your husband will be respected. But when you fight and molest him, people will not respect him because of your attitude towards him. The name you brand him is what people will know him for.  The secret is that, to people around, it is quite amazing how the man (your husband) managed to control you and subjugate you into obeying his commands when their own wives are shouting at them always.  At the city gate they ponder about all your ways and admire it, wishing to be like your husband.  They imagine him a lucky man whose position is worthy being in.

When such a loving life has been established and practiced recurrently among you both, it will surprise you how your kids will have the same love transferred into them and your whole house will be filled with joy and peace. And each day they will rise up in respect and collectively declare you “BLESSED”. To crown it all, your husband would affirm what the kids had said, thus “I have seen many virtuous women, but none have I seen that CAN be compared with you”.

What am I trying to say, it takes a great deal building a better home with kids bearing rightful character, also having a treasure awaiting them.  The life you live with your husband is the most influencing factor to affect a change in the life of your kids.  Wield enough strength on yourself, apply it effectively and you will have the cause to smile in rainy days.