Fall guy Shapps takes turn to promote UK as 'world beater' in stupidity
few days ago, the prime minister announced that he was doing away with the daily coronavirus briefings at weekends. It was just getting too hard to find cabinet ministers who were prepared to give up their Saturdays and Sundays – even the ever loyal “cut out and keep” Tory boy pastiche, Robert Jenrick, was playing hard to get – and Boris Johnson sure as hell couldn’t be bothered to do it himself.
It can’t be long before No 10 pursues its dream of reducing the number still further, if Thursday’s showing is anything to go by. One – two at a push – a week would be just about ideal. A win-win situation that would cut the workload and save the daily embarrassment of a minister having to explain that the government really didn’t have much of a clue what it was doing and was just making up policy on the hoof.
This is no reflection on Grant Shapps, the delegated fall guy for Thursday’s press briefing. Shapps may not be the brightest kid on the block, but he’s always been one of the more enthusiastic and by cabinet standards has so far had a reasonable coronavirus war. He’s by and large managed to curb his natural tendency to smile when reading out the death statistics and he’s put in more than his fair share of shifts in trying to make news out of something that is either a non-event or a government PR disaster.
But even the transport secretary is now running on fumes. The sheer pointlessness of his existence is now getting to him. And understandably so. Though he tries to maintain the jaunty, upbeat exterior of a man who just can’t wait to upgrade the A66, his shoulders are now permanently slumped and he looks dead behind the eyes. Too much more of this and he’s going to crack and do a runner. Luckily he’s got plenty of aliases lined up for his new life. Bye, bye Grant. Hello Michael Green.
Having rattled through a few slides – astonishingly the one that showed that on the previous day the UK death total had been higher than the rest of the EU27 combined had gone missing – Shapps moved on to his “breaking news” announcement. It had just come to his attention that there was a nasty disease called coronavirus going round, so from 15 June – might as well let a few more people die rather than doing it immediately – everyone on public transport was going to have to wear face coverings.
Well, hello. Not only had many people, including London’s mayor, Sadiq Khan, been calling for such measures for weeks now, most other countries had made it law a month ago. But Grant was adamant. The UK had a reputation to maintain as the country that took measures long after they had become blindingly obvious to everyone else. It was this kind of inaction that made the UK a “world beater” in international stupidity.
Still, Shapps could see some light at the end of the tunnel. One way out of these daily press briefings would be simply to broadcast those of other European countries that had taken place weeks ago. Just imagine the possibilities. Rather than wasting his time today, we could have replayed the press conference of a month ago in which the Spanish transport secretary announced the compulsory wearing of face masks on public transport only dubbed into English with Grant’s voice. Put like this, no minister would ever need to appear in public again.
There was a caveat, though. Face coverings alone wouldn’t be enough to stop the coronavirus, so it was still necessary for people not to make unnecessary journeys, and to work from home wherever possible. This from a man who had literally queued for 90 minutes on Tuesday afternoon to take part in a vote to deny fellow MPs from having a vote or taking part in parliamentary proceedings because they had health issues, caring responsibilities, large distance to travel or were self-isolating. And all this just to indulge Jacob Rees-Mogg’s ongoing public school fantasies of entitled omnipotence.
Even when challenged on this by journalists, Shapps didn’t seem to think there was anything wrong in the government implementing a three-line whip to break its own public health guidelines and put MPs and parliamentary staff at risk. “Er,” said Shapps. “We were getting behind with secondary legislation.” Then learn to use a Zoom meeting like almost everyone in the country. There’s nothing to stop a committee of MPs from scrutinising legislation online. But what Jakey wants, Jakey must have. After all, whose fault is it if you don’t have a second London home and a fleet of nannies?
Grant had no answer to any of the other questions. He didn’t know what advice the government may have for BAME people. He didn’t know why we had still been sending hospital patients into care homes without being tested in the middle of April.
There was just time for the transport secretary to make it clear that no one was going anywhere anytime soon. Either home or abroad. For a start, people were forbidden from staying overnight in another home so UK holidays were out the question. And there was no point in people getting worked up about Priti Patel having introduced a quarantine on air travel at least six weeks too late at a time when it would be largely ineffective, because government advice was that no one should go anywhere by air anyway. So all summer holidays were cancelled and no harm had been done. That was the brilliance of having someone really stupid as home secretary.
Shapps quickly curtailed any other questions. The Italian transport secretary was due on TV in a few minutes and it would be handy for him to know what he would be announcing in a month or so’s time.
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STRICTLY FOR COUPLES … You will know that the man is the head while you are his neck. As such, you direct his focus and make him fixative Our series include the following : * Show him what he looks out for from other women * Teach him like he knows nothing * Learn to play naked games with your husband * Learn to package yourself * Learn to work on your husband M y neighbour had v owed never to let any girl survive as a salesgirl in my shop. This thing has happened for over three times. Each time we brought a new salesgirl, the girl would stay for two or three months; and suddenly she would end her contract with us. In all these, my husband did not know. So, being that the girls usually stole money and other items, the reason for their departure became genuine, thus: they ran away to avoid being punished for their actions. But behind this, the underlying truth is that the girls had been embarrassed by my neighbour who would warn them to leave her loosed husband. Re
T he name Nkalaha is a coinage which stands for a people occupying a geographical land and regional setting in the eastern part of Nigeria. It is a coinage which attempts to explain the direction of movement and adventure of the men who founded the community in the 15th century AD. According to oral sources and some documentation about this community, some of these men were believed to have traveled from Ida, old Benue state of Nigeria to inhabit the land. These men had traveled on different days to locate the place. Onojah who originally founded the land was said to have been in a deep search for a place of safety as he was besieged by a fate that appeared to make him somewhat incompatible with his own people. Nkalaha is one of the communities that make up Ishielu Local Government Area of Ebonyi State. Nkalaha occupied the northern part of Ishielu Local Government Area. She is located through the zip 135.031.000. The community sits on 923.768km 2 . She shares boundaries
The Mystery of Number, “Five” in the Igbo Cosmology. From: Aspects of the Ancient African Metaphysics; Chapter: Seven; Topic: Igbo Geometries and the Metaphysics of Numbers. Author: Onyeji Nnaji. I n the Igbo cosmology, the word Isee is a definite symbolic word as revealed through the Igbo language and culture. A human being has five fingers, five toes. The hands and feet are fundamentals to the survival in life as they are necessary in ensuring that man moves to places where he gets food and grapples on the food to sustain his life. To this view, the rhetoric that binds vocatives in the form of incantation (anchoring on the heart-lock: four ) and the concomitant reprisal in the manner of affirmation that holds the human life bind to his original spiritual person, therefore defining existence and essences are unified by the corresponding echo: Isee!!!!! Therefore it stands that anytime a prayer is said in the Igbo land, the attendants who would want the fulfillment of the
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by Onyeji Nnaji Eha-Amufu road newly constructed by Governor Ifeanyi Ugwuanyi of Enugu state in 2019 A part from the strategic location of the Federal College of Education, one central reason remarkable about Eha-Amufu is her central position and her boundary situation. Eha-Amufu stands at the centre of many communities; as a result she has served as the gateway to different communities. She is bounded to Nkalaha, Agala, Ikem, Umuero and other communities, including Obeagu (pronounced Ubegu). Aside from that, Eha-Amufu embodies the route that traces the way to the northern part of Nigeria for travellers travelling from Ebonyi axis. Eha-Amufu also forms the remarkable boundary community between Enugu State and Ebonyi State. This situation makes Eha-Amufu very strategic in the discussion of the road and rivers across Ebonyi and Enugu. In the era when transportation on rail was the order of the day, the most popular then ‘Express Train and la