HOW TO SEARCH FOR A LIFE PARTNER
Before we progress, it may be helpful and easy to understand my explanation of this process if we first draw our analysis from the scripture. The concept finding a wife, scripturally, started with the life of Isaac and Rebecca. And for a better understanding of the scriptural recommendations on this matter we must understand how this was done. Now, let us see how Rebecca was sought and found. The scripture informs us thus:
So Abraham said to the oldest servant of his house, who ruled over all that he had, “Please, put your hand under my thigh, and I will make you swear by the LORD, the God of heaven and the God of the earth, that you will not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell; but you shall go to my country and to my family, and take a wife for my son Isaac.” Gen 24:2-4
Isaac here is seen in the naivety of the whole event. He had no knowledge about choice making and what to do to get the real person that will promote the dream his father had inculcated in him. The choice here is properly pictured through his father. Abraham was concerned with finding the woman that can promote the perpetuation of the incorruptible seed which had traced its way through the son of promise, Isaac. To achieve this single purpose, Abraham has to override Isaac superimposing his own decision, still to his favour. He made Eleazer swear under God to find the person that will meet the dream he had for his son.
Did you see what Abraham did here? This is the role of parents. He did not decide on whom to choose. He did not tell Eleazer the particular family or colour of the girls from whom to choose. He only instructed him thus because he lived in the midst of the Canaanites and can tell better the kind of life they were living. The Canaanites were trouble makers and he did not want Isaac to bear a child with that kind of blood. So, as a father, he doesn’t want such blood to follow his linage. To avoid this he prayed Eleazer to swear that he must carry out his instruction. Now look at how Eleazer did the search. First he prayed according to the instruction he was given. Secondly, he set up his objectives that will help him to understand the person when he finds her. Then he began to watch the girls, making requests. That was how he made success in the search for Rebecca.
To search for the real partner one doesn’t just handpick anybody he see attractive to his eyes, he must follow a set up procedure for doing this. First, he must set objectives. This I called setting a substance of the exact thing you desire. Note: the objectives you set must not necessarily be on physical or material attainment, it should be on mannerism; behaviour not fanfare. The essence of setting up objectives is for you to have a direction and be focused. Again, the objectives you set must contain unusual circumstance. Look at what Eleazer set as his objectives.
And let it come to pass, that the damsel to whom I shall say, Let down thy pitcher, I pray thee, that I may drink; and she shall say, Drink, and I will give thy camels drink also: let the same be she that thou hast appointed for thy servant Isaac; and thereby shall I know that thou hast shewed kindness unto my master. Gen 24:14
He knew that it is relatively easy for many of the girls to give him water to drink. To make it unusual, he added that the person should on her own accord request that she may give to his camel to drink also. This is relatively unusual among girls behaviours. This is because virtually every girl you see on the street, church, school and market is always in a hurry for one or more reasons. They are always busy even when they are doing nothing. There is no day a girl doesn’t have something so pressing to do. But many of these things, if you consider them, are chasing after mere shadows. So, under such heavy demand by her time, it will be easy for her to give you water to drink, but not giving your camel also. It is difficult to find a girl who can easily think of this let alone doing it, except those raised from homes.
To get unusual roles, look for those roles that are usually swept under carpets in various homes. Place your objectives on them and watch out for who will descend so low to remember and do them. After setting them, pray to God upon them. Any girl you find doing them must have come from a home, not from a house. She is a wife, approach her and make her your wife. You will never regret in life for having her as your wife. You see the modern girls aim higher because they understand that it is what men desire today. They are not ready to stoop low. That is the major cause of infidelity and various family crises today. This type of women cannot promote endless honeymoon because their love cannot stay when the journey of life becomes tough. Men too have their own areas. For a girl who would wish to search, there are objectives she will set and it will work out for her. The objective that works for one girl may not work for another girl because men do not have a steady character. The age long objective for men had been caring but this has failed so many girls. I may not be correct if I should state any process for men here. All I can advise is prayers for the girl, having your desired quality in your mind.
The search, it should be noted, is not restricted to a particular gender; it is not the male alone who should search. The girl also should search, but she has a procedure to follow. Following our culture, the male only is advisably permitted to search. But in this matter, the modern day’s girls should not keep quiet. She too should pray and search for her partner. The procedure required for this is; she should pray and find her man. It may not be advisable to meet the person after he is revealed to her. After praying and her prayers are answered, she should still pray that her partner should locate her. The need for her further prayers is on how she may identify her partner when she is located. As long as the man can search, the girl also can search. If she should wait, it might take a long time before her partner will locate her. Her prayers and search will help reduce the time. Stop complaining that no man has ever asked for your hands in marriage. You too can search and find a man for yourself. It is ideal in the modern setting. With your continuous prayers you can be located.
For a concomitant marital solidification in which case the couple works in the same mind to come in place, either or both of the couple must search and possibly find each other. The matter must not end at your alter of prayers. You must back your prayers up with search. Learn from Abraham who prayed and caused his servant to swear before sending him out for the search according to his instruction. You cannot avoid praying, but as you pray you should as well be watchful less you miss the right person unknowing to you. While you search, you should be mindful that God had never created anyone for you already; instead, He will make the person for you.
Your Right Partner Is not Created, but Made
This, I know, appears very skeptical because of the type of teachings we have received from people and books. But the plain truth is there: your right partner is not created for you; instead he is made to meet for you. Now, let us go to the beginning and see marriage in its raw state.
And the LORD God said, it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. Gen 2:18
To understand me better you may read verses 19 through 22. God created everything but for man He made, not created. The idea related in verse 27 of chapter one is of generic concept and particularized on the later statement thus, “…make…” a deeper analysis of this idea is in chapter one of part three. From Adam here, it could be deduced that all that needed to be created has been fully created, therefore, for the reason of procreation, God only owes the sole duty of making a helper meet for Adam. That is, a partner that conforms to Adam’s person. God saw the worries in Adam for a helper before He made for him his helper. This has been the situation since time immemorial. Except in an exceptional case like that of brother Hosea, the scripture had never recorded anywhere where God, HIMSELF, instructed anybody to pick anyone for a wife. Why? It is because God rested and does not create further, instead He makes. And hitherto, God is still in the business of making, not creating. All the couples in the scripture did search and found themselves.
The place of choice making in marriage is the cross-road of decision taking. It is the very point where god honoured the will of man. Being the God he is, His ear is ever open to listen to the request of people who will table their mind throbbed matters to Him. Following the will of God in our search simply means surrendering to the ultimate purpose of God for creating marriage. This, however, is different from asking God to make your marriage His project. By this it implies that your own will, choice and dream for a particular level of marital attainment are removed, surrendering to whatever, whenever, wherever, whoever and however it may please Him to run your family; not as your own but as his project. In other words, even if your partner is a thief or a harlot you are prepared to harbour him. One might say that God cannot give him a harlot or a thief. Such is the thought of men. And who told you that God may not do this? You may wish to read the history of Hosea and his marital journey to see that nothing is impossible with God.
Hosea epitomized the ideal life of a family who decisively surrendered to the total will of God. He allows Him to choose for him his wife, tell him when to procreate for the first time, the second and the subsequent times. And I wish to still inform you that Hosea’s marriage ended up as immediate as the project God had to achieve through the union was over. Inasmuch as you will want to desire among persons, blood groups and genotypes, educational background, height, or intend to follow a particular method of family planning, you invariably choose to follow the concept of search and find as we saw with Abraham. Adam desired it before god made someone meet for him, Abraham desired and it was done to him through his search. Many other people with good reports also did and God made for them people that completed the weaknesses in them. You too can do the same. In this way one can fulfill the marital requirement in your own union.
Marriage is created for human consumption. It is created to satisfy the lonely feeling of man in other to relax him and focus him towards the roles assigned to him by his creator. Man’s will, as long as this is concerned, is never overruled. It is for this reason that the teacher stated it very clear that it is your duty to fine for yourself following the directives of God. Nobody is naturally created for you purposefully; he/she is rather made. At the right time or your own turn to search, God, having seen your ability and follies, makes for you an already created person to suit your imbalances. This is the aspect of completeness that people normally speak about.